This is going to be a long one....I can tell. There are so many thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head that I can only pray that God would help me get them all in print so that I don't forget.
Our trip to Jamaica was an amazing blessing beyond what we ever could have imagined or expected. It was the best quality, family time we have ever had together. We were able to eat, play, swim, snorkel, eat, pray, read, eat and play some more with no demands of our time. We had the best conversations and I got more spontaneous hugs from the boys than I have had in a while. It was as the commercial says....priceless. 
But, beyond a doubt the best experience of the trip was our visit to the orphanage. Not because it was so uplifting, but because it changed all of us forever. Leading up to the trip, I prayed every day that God would do a work in the hearts of my children. That their eyes would be opened to the needs of the world and that God would plant seeds in their heart and grab their hearts forever. I am sure that He did that and more. The boys did so good at the orphanage!! If you know my children, they are all pretty shy in new situations. But not there. As soon as we arrived and were told what they could do, they got to work. They actively played and interacted with the older children and in the baby room they held, rocked, fed and played with the babies. It touched my heart in such a way that I had trouble holding back the tears at times. Brett was in his element in the baby room. When babies cried, he picked them up out of their crib, rocked them, patted their back, read them books, whatever they needed to be consoled. It was as if he was 10 years older and had done this before.
But, what I was not prepared for was the way that God would rip my heart out of my chest. In a book I am reading it says that in order for us to make a difference in this world, God will break our hearts for the things that break his. That is what he did to me....completely broke my heart for these children. As we walked into the baby room while the director was showing us around the orphanage, a sweet little girl with big, deep brown eyes and a cute little button nose walked passed her caregivers, all the way across the room to my feet and raised her hands up to me for me to pick her up. She then wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder. That was the beginning of the end for me.
What affected me the most was the realization that these children are not being held, loved, cuddled, played with, read to, and cared for the way they need to be. The caregivers are wonderful ladies, but with the task of feeding, cleaning and caring for 56+ children, the basic tasks of survival are what is focused on. And I am sure it is the same way at all orphanages. It breaks my heart to think what lies in store for these babies who are not receiving the love and affection that is so needed by children at this age. And it blew me away that at 12 months old, Natasha was able to identify that need and find a way to get it met.....by walking up to a complete stranger and begging to be held.
For the majority of the day we played, held, cuddled, read to and fed the babies that were in the baby area. We helped to feed all of the babies lunch and then had to leave right before they were putting them all down for naps. The director of the orphanage asked us how we had found out about the orphanage and why we had chosen to visit. After explaining to her about studying James 1:27 in church and watching Extreme Home Makeover, she was grateful for how God led us to Blossom Garden. We also explained how many of our friends and family had donated items and money and although she normally does not allow pictures to be taken of the children, she made an exception for us so that we could show all of the donors where their donations went. She was a very gracious, loving woman and although I would love to post the pictures on this blog, she made me promise that I would not post the pictures of the children on the internet.
As we were leaving the orphanage, she grabbed a group of children to pose with us holding some of the items we brought with us. I swept up one of the little boys in my arms for the picture and after the picture was taken as I was putting him down he tightened his grip around my neck. I told him "Go play with the kids because we have to go bye-bye." To which he shook his head no and grabbed my neck even tighter. He then pointed to the door we were going out as if to say that he wanted to go with us. When I could not pry his arms and legs off of me, one of the workers had to come and pull him away. I walked out the doors, sobbing, knowing that I had just left a piece of my heart at Blossom Garden.
Which leaves me where I am at now. I know for sure that we will be visiting more orphanages in the future and although I would love to, I don't think that it is realistic for us to bring home 3-4 children every time we visit one. So I sit, and pray and wait to see what God would have us do next all the while praying that we do not forget what we have seen or how it made us feel.
I am so grateful for the abundance that God blessed us with on this trip all while opening our eyes to the needs of His children. I also continue to pray that we will not let the insignificances of life get in the way of what should be our priorities. I do not want to get swept away by the current of busyness and forget about what is truly important in this life that passes by in the blink of an eye.
