The Peace which Transcends Understanding

Screech! Thud! Hysterical shrieks....

Although my back was turned to the horror, instantly I knew what had happened even without my eyes seeing. My heart sank as I dropped the phone I was holding, turned and ran to witness my worst nightmare.

My baby. Lying face down on the asphalt, unresponsive, not moving, blood spilling from his nose and mouth. Shoes thrown off. Contorted body.

Panic, confusion. Call 911. Call daddy. Pray, God, please! Brett you will be okay.

In the midst of the first moments of the accident, I was panicked, even hysterical. My mind was not working right and I did not know what to do. But God did, and He provided. Almost instantly help arrived and as it did, so did my peace....a peace that transcends all understanding. For some reason, as bad as that accident was, I was never worried for his life. Even driving away in the ambulance, as Brett was still out cold, deep down I had peace that he would be okay. Some will say it is denial, but over the next two weeks, in the moments when I needed God the most, He showed up.

One in particular I will never forget. The mornings in ICU when Brett was sleeping were the hardest for me. I always thought that after a full nights rest that he would wake in the morning. On the 4th morning without waking, I began to feel very weary. I just wanted to see my baby's eyes and have him stay awake and alert. At that moment, no one could console me. No one could help me. No one had any words that could help my heart, except God. And of course, in that moment a chorus from a song popped into my head. Not a song on my ipod or a song played regularly at church or on the radio. It is just a song that I have sang in church a handful of times, but the melody and the words came into my head at that moment with perfect clarity:

Though I walk through valleys low

I'll fear no evil

By the waters still my soul

My heart will trust in you!

I asked my sister to figure out the artist and download that song for me and I went into the parent's shower room in the ICU unit and cried it out to the Lord. It was exactly what I needed!! It was God telling me not to fear, that He was still in control and just to trust in Him. It instantly gave me the strength and the peace that I needed to continue on. Peace that transends understanding.

I am working on memorizing more scripture this year, and is it any coincidence that my 2 verses for March were the following:

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

John 16:33 I have told you these things so that in me you may have PEACE. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Gives me chills now reading these....God knew what was on my horizon and he wanted to make sure that I had these verses fresh in my head. Many times over the past weeks, these verses have randomly popped into my head- just the Holy Spirit's way of reminding me that He is strengthening me, holding me up and giving me peace!

Which leads me to want to share with everyone that to call yourself a Christian or to "believe" in Jesus is not enough. Sure, it is probably enough for your salvation, but God offers an abundant life here on Earth. The key to that abundance (like the abundant peace that I experienced in the midst of tragedy) is to walk daily with him, read the Bible, and fellowship with other believers. The closer we are to Jesus, the more able he is to help us when we need to be carried.

Turn to Him.

Fix your eyes on His face.

Trust Him.

He will carry you.

God is Good

As I continue to process everything that has taken place this month, it is heavier and heavier on my heart that this story is not just ours. I knew from the moment the accident took place that God was still in control. He did not turn his back, he knew Brett was going to be hit. He did not make a mistake. And in this, I also know that the only reason God would have us go through this is for our good. I know that God has a purpose and plan for everything under heaven, including Brett being hit by a car. I probably won't know why He was hit, or why he survived until I get to heaven, but in the meantime, I will trust in Him and try to tell everyone of the miraculous God we serve!

So, I feel burdened to share the story....to let everyone know of the miracles God demonstrated, of the peace He poured down on us and the way He carried us like only He can. It is my desperate wish that everyone would know Him enough that if and when a tragedy strikes (or any time in your life for that matter) you will feel the closeness of God, experience the peace only He can give and know that when everything looks bad, He is still in control.

Let me share a few of the miracles that I have noticed with you:

1. All of our neighbors were home on a Tuesday morning. ( I have no idea why- God just knew I was going to need them.)

2. An ER doctor that lives down the street and I have only seen about 4 times in 10 years was home and just so happened to have heard the accident and came running. (Did I mention that he was scheduled to be out of town and at the last minute changed his plans. And he was the person who told me to start breathing for Brett. In my hysteria I had not even noticed that Brett was not breathing.)

3. Brett slept pretty much for the first 5 days and guess what....he woke up and stayed awake on what day? Easter! Thank you Jesus! The worst experience of my life led me to the most glorious day celebrating not only that Jesus gave his life so that we could be saved, but he also demonstrated His magnificence again by giving Brett the strength on that day to stay awake!

Brett on Easter outside the hospital

4. Despite suffering a skull fracture, TBI (traumatic brain injury), and fractured femur, and many lacerations and bruises, Brett has only been on pain meds (Motrin and Tylenol) for a couple of days in the hospital for a sore neck. That is what I call miraculous healing! Not to mention will be returning to school on Monday!

Every day I am realizing more and more as I recount the events of the day with neighbors or as I watch Brett heal so quickly, but I just wanted to get these down in writing so that I don't forget and so that all will realize how powerful our God is!

Thank you Jesus!

Overwhelmed with Gratitude

As people are asking me this week, how I am doing, I don't even know where to begin. The only word that I can think of to explain how I feel is, "Grateful."

Grateful for:

- The awesome display of God's grace and mercy

- The peace that we felt in the midst of the worst days of our lives

- The love, support and encouragement that poured in all around us and met every need we had even before I knew of the need. We had friends and family providing, meals, a trailer at the hospital, care and rides for Nicholas and Cody, prayer, cards and balloons, a housekeeper, prayer, and more prayer. I have been completely humbled at the amount of love we have felt and I know that is what has literally carried us through.

- The donations that were received to help support us in our journey to adopt a child from Jamaica. While we were in the hospital, we received so many generous donations that we are almost half way to our goal! Truly humbling!

I told a friend yesterday that I don't even have the words to express the gratitude that is welling up in my heart. Thank you is just so insufficient. I wish I could just give you all a window to my heart so that you could see and know my love, my awe and my deep appreciation for every card, for every text, for every cookie, for every meal.

Thank you so much!

Move, Mountain, Move!!

Oh Jesus, I do believe, help my unbelief! Mark 9:24

Today we met with an agency and an attorney. We realized the first costs are going to be almost $6,000 for just the agency to conduct the home study and post-adoption visits. On top of that we will have lawyer fees, documents charges, fingerprinting fees, doctors fees, immigration and citizenship fees. And none of that includes the travel expenses! (Did I mention that it is our goal to take our boys with us to pick up their new brother.) Upon arriving home, I realized that because we want to adopt from Jamaica and the Child Development Agency there requires that adopting families work directly with the CDA and not an outside agency (Independant Adoption) that we are not eligible for many of the adoption grants that I had planned on applying for. Then, I read that we must make TWO, not one trip to Jamaica to adopt from that country and may have to spend up to 14 days there on the final trip.

I also know that we do not have the funds in our account to cover those costs.

What I do know is that when God is calling you to do something, He will always provide a way for it to happen. That if we have faith as small as a mustard seed, that we can say to this mountain, "Move" and it will. I know that God has very clearly called us to adopt and just as clearly to return to Jamaica to do it. Therefore, I know he will provide.

As I think of all the obstacles in our way to get to Jamaica and bring home our baby, I try to focus on what will be.....on the first moments of holding our new son, of giving bubble baths again, singing the itsy bitsy spider and teaching him to ride a bike.

I am inspired by Katie Davis, "I believe that we were each created to change the world for someone. To serve someone. To love someone the way Christ first loved us, to spread His light. This is the dream and it is possible.

We can let the fear of something that really is small compared to the greatness of God cripple us. Or we can take a risk, do something to help someone else, make a person smile, change someone's world."

"At the end of my life, I don't want to arrive in heaven on a full tank. I want to fall into the arms of our Savior, knowing that I used everything that He had given me to be His hands and feet while I walked on this Earth!"